Sea Kittens

A bizarre euphemism for fish – advocated by People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals in an attempt to persuade children that fish are too cuddly to eat.

PETA’s Save the Sea Kittens campaign says of sea kittens (i.e., fish):

Like their surface-dwelling cousins, the land kittens, sea kittens enjoy being petted. Their lack of arms makes it difficult for them to pet back, but they often gently rub against each other as a sign of affection.

Sea kittens talk to each other through squeaks, squeals, and other low-frequency sounds that humans can only hear through special instruments. Most ichthyologists – scientists who specialize in sea kitten biology – agree that this is just about the cutest thing ever.

Contrary to popular belief, the technical term for sea kitten offspring is “baby sea kitties,” not “caviar.” Many sea kittens build nests where they can raise their baby sea kitties, and others collect small rocks off the sea floor to make widdle hiding pwaces where they can rest.

The broader political aim behind this cute copy is to persuade the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service to end its promotion of fishing – or, as PETA puts it, to “stop allowing our little sea kitten friends to be tortured and killed.”

The Economist called the sea kitten campaign “beyond satire,” and criticized PETA for targeting children and preying on the genuine concerns of parents:

One part of the site contains sea-kitten bedtime stories. These seem to be largely intended to scare children away from eating fish. But one story is aimed at both parents and children. “Tony the Trout is the smartest sea kitten in his school,” it begins. “Already litter-trained at two months old, Tony went on to double-major in neuroscience and environmental studies at Clamford University, eventually graduating with honours. When Tony is caught and fed to a precocious young child who, having eaten one mercury-filled sea kitten too many, falls to the bottom of the class, the irony is not lost on him.”

The big problem with this story and all this direct marketing is that the scientific evidence that eating fish is vital to children’s health and intelligence could not be clearer. And this finding takes into account the detrimental effects of mercury, which are far outweighed by the benefits … of eating fish.